Great Sex Starting Today: Introduction
The first question you might ask is why is David Eric Williams qualified to give advice on sex? To began with I'm a man of much experience. My wife and I were talking about this the other day and by our calculation we have made love over 5000 times in the last thirty four or so years. Moreover, the fact that I've had sex with only one woman in my lifetime means I know more about making love then the fella who has had sex once in his lifetime - just with 5000 different women. That guy doesn't need to know how to please a woman. He's had a series of one night stands. That doesn't make him a good lover. It makes him a very inexperienced lover. In essence, he's had sex just once in his life and has never had to improve upon his technique. He's never had to vary his routine in order to keep things interesting. The truth is, there's really no difference between that guy in the guy who has masturbated in the shower 5000 times. In fact, that's the same guy. The lover who maintains a long term relationship, who learns to satisfy and be satisfied is the one who really knows something about sex. You see, to a large degree it is the illicit nature of uncommitted sex that arouses a man not the sex itself. And as societal mores break down and the traditional barriers to illicit sex are removed, it takes increasingly unusual sexual exploits to arouse. Thus the progressively bizarre sexual landscape in American society.
In addition, my wife assures me (and I can usually tell) that she is very satisfied with our lovemaking. This is not to say I'm one to rest on my laurels. Instead, I'm always thinking of ways to satisfy her sexually. I enjoy giving her sexual pleasure. Obviously, I enjoy doing so because I find pleasure in the sex act but my point is, having sex with one woman across the span of three decades requires a man to learn about pleasing his woman.
Speaking of sexual pleasure, the experts tell us that about 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it's 50% of married men are physically and emotionally content versus 38% of cohabitating men. Ironic isn't it? The single folk, the swingers, are having less sex than the people who are happily married. And those "happily married" people are less happy when they're having less sex. A married couple that is not regularly enjoying each other sexually is going to experience less joy in all of life. Now, I'm not saying you've got to have a boatload of sex with your spouse in order to have a happy life. Each couple is different. Some people are happy with regular but infrequent lovemaking. Others seem to need more. The point is married couples who engage in regular sex have a more positive outlook on life than those who do not.
Another point in my favor is the fact I've been a counselor and teacher for nearly thirty years. My clientele has been primarily men and they have been from all walks of life. Even with the disparity of backgrounds, many of them have had problems in their sex life. Some of what I share here is drawn from that experience.
Another reason I think I need to write about the subject is because there is always an interest in sex. I'm in my mid fifties and I can honestly say I have just as much interest in sex today as I did thirty years ago. Granted, I don't have as much get up and go but that doesn't mean my interest has waned along with my youth. And speaking as a man, I can assure you (I guess I'm addressing the curious female reader at this point), most men think about sex quite a bit. Again, this will usually change with time but any normal healthy man retains an interest in sex throughout his life.
This isn't to say women don't think about sex. They do; they just think about it differently. I realize I am painting with a broad brush when I say that women view sex as an act of commitment and derive emotional satisfaction from lovemaking. Yes, women experience tremendous physical pleasure in lovemaking but their response to the act is more emotional than men. In other words, when a woman makes love she is committing herself and seeking security in a relationship.
Another reason sex is important is because it actually contributes to the stability of society. I don't mean the hooking up that is common today. Casual sex actually brings instability to society. On the other hand, committed sexual relationships between a husband and wife are part of the civilizing leaven necessary to keep our culture intact. Patrick Riley has written an excellent book on the topic titled Civilizing Sex so I won't go into any detail here. I'm sure there are other books on the subject as well. Suffice it to say, men require a healthy outlet for their sexual urges. And history has shown that the only real healthy outlet is a male and female marriage relationship. I know that isn't politically correct and perhaps I will lose many of my readers at this point but the truth is the truth. Men need a healthy sexual outlet and women need committed partners. For that matter, men need committed partners and women need a healthy sexual outlet. Again, the only place this is found is in the traditional male, female marriage relationship.
Finally, I write this missive because I enjoy sex. I like to think about it, talk about it and write about it. As you read through this brief guide you will find that much of it deals with behavior and attitudes. It may seem I'm discussing things that have little relationship to sex. But please bear with me. One thing I've learned in my fifty something years is that all of life is connected. We cannot expect to have a good sex life if we neglect everything else. Enjoyable lovemaking rests on a foundation and that foundation requires daily, even moment by moment attention.
I should warn you right now, you're not going to get a politically correct point of view from me. I mean, take a look of the picture on the back of the book. Do I look like the kind of guy who is concerned with public opinion? No, I'm not. So if I get a ton of negative reviews on the book, so be it.
On the other hand if you write a review (or e-mail me) saying you don't like the book because it didn't address (fill in the blank) that's okay. If I have the expertise to cover your area of interest, I may include it in the next edition.
My goal is to provide a tasteful guide to healthy sex not to titillate. The best way to do that, I think, is to write a booklet that does not unduly embarrass my wife. Thus, in the pages ahead we will discuss the foundations of good sex, physical health and sexual health, mental/emotional health and sexual health and, yes, we will talk about the sex act itself.
This book is not very long but the things I'm going to share with you will require much thought and dedication to put into practice. You will be able to read through this booklet quickly but if these concepts are new to you, you will spend the rest of your life making them habitual behaviors. But don't be discouraged. That's half the fun. And there are other books in this series that will help you develop the new habits required for a healthy, happy life (yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks). Who better to help you do that then The 21st Century Sage, of course.
A Man's Guide To Great Sex Starting Today
IntroductionChapter One: The Foundation Of Good Sex
Chapter Two: Physical Health Is Sexual Health
Chapter Three: Mental Health Is Sexual Health
Chapter Four: The Act Of Making Love
Chapter Five: Keeping It Real Fresh And Satisfying
Closing Thoughts
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